Joyce leaned against the doorjamb and watched her daughter. It had been over a week since the cave-in and the weather reflected Buffy's mood. For the past few days Sunnydale had been having one of its periodic storms and the blonde girl had spent all her time curled up on a wide windowsill upstairs watching the rain splatter against the window. For the first time since she found out about Buffy's destiny, Joyce was truly worried about her. She barely ate, she barely talked and she had not seen any of her friends since she came home from the hospital. Even Giles was worrying and had asked her to see if she could find out what was wrong.
"Honey?" she said quietly.
There was no answer.
"Buffy, what's wrong?" Joyce tried again.
Buffy stirred slightly. "Nothing mom."
"There's something wrong. You can't hide that from me."
"There's . . . I'm fine."
"Sweetheart, I'm worried about you. Everyone's worried about you. Mr Giles even offered buy you ice-cream."
Buffy smiled slightly but did not stop watching the rain.
"Please Buffy? Talk to me?"
"There's nothing to talk about."
"So there is something wrong."
"Nothing that talking will fix. I just have to wait."
Joyce ventured into the room. "Maybe if you talked about it you'd feel better."
The Slayer smiled sadly. "I don't think so."
"Try it."
"You wouldn't understand."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Just . . . trust me, you wouldn't understand."
Joyce leaned against the wall and smiled down at her daughter. "Maybe I don't need to understand in order to listen."
There was no response.
"Honey, I can see that whatever is wrong is eating you up inside. You're not eating, you haven't seen your friends," Buffy winced, "and Mr Giles says that you haven't been to him for training since the cave-in. Please talk to me. Even if I don't understand, sometimes just getting whatever-it-is off your chest can help."
Buffy said nothing for a long time and Joyce began to give up.
"Have you ever said something that could change everything in your life, and then wished you could take it back?"
The question was asked so quietly that Joyce almost missed it.
"Have you ever wished that you could replay time so that you didn't do something that could turn out to be a disaster? And have you ever done something that will probably end up with you being alone for the rest of your life?"
"Buffy, you're talking to a divorcee; of course I have."
The Slayer turned her tear-streaked face towards her mother and the older woman sat down and hugged her.
"Did you feel like your world might end when you did?" Buffy asked, her voice slightly muffled against Joyce's shoulder.
"Not really. I felt more as though my world was about to start again." Joyce paused and began gently stroking her daughter's hair. "I guess if that's the problem I don't understand. But I can listen. What happened?"
This time the silence went on so long she was sure Buffy was not going to answer.
"I told someone I loved them."
"And?"
"Sh-They love me."
"The problem is?"
"They're involved with someone else."
"Ah."
"She wasn't even suppose to hear! Now everything's messed up and it's all my fault."
Joyce caught the word Buffy probably did not mean to say but sensed that now was not the time for that discussion. "What's messed up?"
"Sh-They shouldn't leave the person they're with for me - I'm not worth it. You only have to look at my track record to see that. Me and relationships always equals disaster, and I don't want to lose the best friend I have through my selfishness and stupidity."
Slowly, Joyce managed to work out what had happened and hear what her daughter was not saying. Her heart broke at the despair she read in Buffy's eyes. "What did you do?"
"I said we needed to think . . . and then I ran. She hasn't called so I guess that's it."
"Maybe she's waiting for you to call," Joyce suggested.
Buffy shrugged her mother's arms away and Joyce stood up. "It would be better if she forgot I ever said anything. I'll get over this eventually and sh-they really do love the other person."
"Buffy, sometimes I really do despair of you. Have you considered that maybe this person you say you love really does love you and they're afraid that you don't really want them? You can't go through life afraid of your own feelings just because you've had a couple of bad experiences."
Buffy turned back to watch the rain through the window.
"Sometimes the noble thing to do isn't the right thing to do. Sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of someone else may seem noble and good, but if you're actually stopping this other person being as happy as she could be as well . . . well, it may not be the best thing after all."
There was still no response from the blonde girl and with a sigh Joyce decided that she had done as much as she could. She quietly left the room without looking back; she knew that Buffy would probably not even notice she had gone, she was so sunk into her misery.
Downstairs, Joyce hesitated a moment before she picked up the telephone and dialled a number. It was answered after a couple of rings and she took a deep breath before saying, "Could I speak to Willow Rosenburg?"
*finis*