Buffy waited. The room was stuffy and filled with the quiet murmur of people talking but trying not to be overheard. She wrinkled her nose at the smell: unwashed bodies, boiled cabbage and depression. For the first time she had a comprehension of how terrible prison truly was. How did Faith stand this?
The door behind the glass dividers opened and Buffy had her first look at Faith for nearly a year. The other Slayer was thinner than she remembered and the blue prison garb hung loosely on her. Faith's hair was longer and slightly wavy, her face was pale and there were dark circles under her eyes. But as soon as her eyes settled on Buffy, she smiled and that smile lit up her face in a way Buffy had never seen. With one change of expression Faith transformed from a pretty but worn girl into a beautiful woman.
Buffy's eyes stayed locked to Faith's as the dark haired girl made her way to her seat and sat down. She was not aware that she was smiling faintly herself, against all the odds.
Faith picked up her black handset with slightly trembling hands. "Hey. Wasn't sure you'd show."
"I nearly didn't. There's some family stuff going on so . . ." Buffy shrugged. "How are you?"
"You know me. I'm getting by."
Buffy raised an eyebrow. "Yeah? That's why you look like you're starving yourself and you haven't slept in three days."
"Prison isn't exactly a holiday camp, B. I know I look like hell, but I'm not complaining."
"I didn't say you look like hell."
"You thought it, though."
"Actually I thought you look like someone who needs a few good meals . . . someone to take care of you for a while."
Faith snorted and rolled her eyes. "Good one, B. I'm not exactly the coddling type so don't go getting any ideas."
"I wasn't!" Buffy protested.
"Uh-huh," Faith said disbelievingly. "I'll believe you. Millions wouldn't."
Buffy poked her tongue out, and then blushed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to get on your case. This isn't how I pictured this."
"How did you picture it? Throw cushions and pretty flowers on the tables? California State isn't really into that sort of thing."
"I don't know how I pictured it. I guess I thought we'd be much more serious, no kidding around, and discuss important world issues."
"Jeez, you really do have a funny way of looking at me." Faith grinned through the glass. "You think I'd actually know anything about important world issues? B, we're friends. As friends, that means we joke around sometimes and don't have to be all serious. I'm not really a world-issues kinda girl."
Buffy shrugged. "Yeah, I know. I just don't really know how I'm meant to behave here. What is the accepted etiquette for prison visits?"
"I don't know. I don't get many."
"Doesn't Angel . . ?"
"Nah, he's on some big crusade right now. The others don't trust me, and they really don't like me. Not that I blame them - I did some crappy things to them."
"But you've changed."
"I guess I have." Faith paused thoughtfully. "I didn't think I could. But . . . I want to make a difference now. I'm fed-up of being in here, not able to do anything. I want to be out there doing good things. You showed me that I could so now I just wanna live up to that."
"I showed you?"
Faith's smile was slightly lop-sided. "In a way. When I had your body . . . I saved this kid from a vampire. And then I saved all those folks in that church. And just for a moment it felt really, really good. And I wondered if that's how you feel every day and I got kinda jealous. I wanted to feel that. Maybe that's why I'm here now instead of out there, hurting people."
"Faith, deep down you're a good person. You just got lost for a while."
"You believe that?"
Buffy shook her head. "I know that."
For a moment Faith was silent, and stared down at her hands where she was picking at a thread on the cuff of her shirt. Buffy could see thoughts running across her face but gave her a moment just to work through them.
"B, you always see things in me that I can't," the dark haired girl said eventually. "I think I like that. I used to get scared of that and run away, but I think I'm finally ready for it."
Buffy smiled at her. "That's what being friends is about. We can see things in each other that we're afraid of, or don't want to face, and because we're friends we can tell each other. Have you ever wondered what would have happened if we'd trusted each other before?"
"You mean with the Mayor?"
Buffy nodded.
"Hell, yeah. All the time." Faith shrugged. "And I think it might have been really, really different. But at the time I just saw you trying to sell me up the river, and you were running scared. I was a prize idiot."
"I was not exactly the mistress of sensitivity," Buffy admitted. "We both handled it badly."
Faith looked up, her blue eyes intense. "I hated myself for doing all of that. I really did. But I couldn't stop myself either. Don't blame yourself - I was so fucked up then that I didn't know what I was doing half the time. And the rest of the time I was doing stuff to make the pain go away. You couldn't have stopped me."
"I could have tried harder." Buffy suddenly realised that there were tears in her eyes, but she had no idea why. "I should have tried harder. If I had tried to reach you . . . talked to you . . . anything."
"B, I wasn't listening. You couldn't have said anything that would have made any difference."
Buffy took a deep, shuddering breath. "Yeah, I know that. In my head, I know that. But in here?" She put her hand over her heart. "I can't accept that."
Faith nodded, and then looked deeper into Buffy's eyes. The blonde girl tried to break the contact but her eyes were captivated by Faith's, and she could not tear away.
"This isn't just about the past, is it?" Faith asked slowly. "Something's going on in there. Something to do with now. Is it . . . is something going on with Dawn?"
Buffy grimaced, but nodded. "Damn, you're getting good at that."
"Like you said, friends do this stuff. So, spill."
And in a cold, prison visiting room Buffy was finally able to pour out her heart and talk to someone about all the problems that had been building up. It was not the ideal setting, and six months ago Faith would have been the last person she talked to like this, but it felt good and right. And she finally felt whole.
*finis*