The invitation arrived in the post along with the usual bills and advertising junk. Buffy did not even notice that it was there, in a thick creamy envelope, until she was sitting in the kitchen with her morning glass of juice going through the mound of papers. She looked at it curiously but it did not seem threatening. It was just a letter in a fancy envelope. A heavy silver letter opener made short work of opening it and she had to read it twice to take in the words.
'You are cordially invited to a reunion of Sunnydale High School graduating class of '99. Remember all the old jokes and friends you made? Well, now it's time to remember them all over again. We've been apart for 5 years so come along and catch up on all the gossip.'
'A memorial service will be held in the afternoon for our friends who have died during or since graduation.'
It gave a time and date, the following month, and information on how to get to the hotel where the reunion would take place. Buffy barely noticed it, more concerned with the rush of memories the flooded her at the sight of the familiar crest. Faith...the Library...the Mayor...Snyder...Giles...
She firmly thrust those memories away, instead picking up the telephone and calling a familiar number.
"Will?" she asked as the receiver at the other end clicked.
"Yeah?" Willow's voice sounded bleary and sleepy.
"Did I wake you?"
"I had a late night, remember?"
"Yeah, sorry. Have you come up with a plan?"
"Tara thinks she's found a spell that will get the demon out of the computer and trapped on a floppy. Then you can destroy it."
"Sounds fun," Buffy said uncertainly.
Vampire slaying had not turned out to a useful job skill, even in a town where most people sort of knew about it. People were not willing to acknowledge the fact that they knew, so Buffy, Willow and Tara had started a computer repair shop that doubled as a cyber-detective agency. They got the usual mix of viruses, employers snooping on employees and students with essays trapped inside dead hard-drives, but they also had some slightly less-than usual jobs. Such as de-possessing computers. It was a lucrative business and after only a year they were already doing well enough for Buffy to move out of home and Willow to buy her first car.
"Yeah, we thought you'd like it. So, what's up?"
"Who says anything's up?"
"Buff, you don't normally call me at eight o'clock on a Tuesday morning when we'll be seeing each other at the office in an hour." Willow took on a stern tone. "Spill."
"Have you seen the mail yet?"
"No? Should I?"
"Yeah, I think you should."
"Hold on a sec." Buffy heard Willow call to Tara and a few moments later the sound of paper tearing echoed through the line. "Oh. Oh boy. Oh boy."
"Almost exactly what I thought."
"I'll bet," Willow said absently. "Are you gonna go?"
Buffy glanced at the invitation again. "I don't know."
"It says you get free accommodation. In the President's suite, no less," the redheaded witch offered enticingly.
"It does?"
The Slayer riffled through the papers again and a lilac coloured card fell out.
'In recognition of her work over the years, I'm you'll all want to join the Reunion committee in offering the Presidential suite to Buffy Summers and her guest for the weekend as our gift. Thank you - you know what it's for.'
"So it does," Buffy commented as she stared at the ornately scripted card. "Wow."
"See? They all know what you've done and they want to thank you." Willow began to sound happier, borderline excited. "This will be so fun! It'll be like the Prom, only without the Hellhounds. We can all dress up, and I know Xander and Anya will be looking forward to it, and we can go as a big group. Only this time, we'll all arrive together and you won't be all post-Angely. What do you say, Buff?"
"I don't know..."
"What's there not to know? This is a great opportunity! It's our chance to show off how well we're doing - we even have business cards, y'know."
"But-"
"No buts. You're coming."
"Yes, mom," Buffy teased.
She heard an undignified snort down the line. "We'll talk about this at the office."
"Can I call in sick now?"
"No. I'm poking my tongue out at you. See?"
Tara called from the background, "She is! Buffy, do what she's telling you. It'll be easier in the long-run."
Buffy groaned. "All right. But I won't have fun."
"Spoilsport."
The line went dead and the Slayer put the telephone down slowly. The invitation lay on the counter in front of her, mocking her with its innocent white paper and curly writing. Nothing about this town was ever easy, and a school reunion was probably going to be the hardest thing she had done in nearly a year.
Buffy fiddled with the heavy silver letter opener as she thought, running her fingers over the familiar notches on the blade and trying to suppress all the memories she had.
***
Several days later, Buffy was putting the finishing touches to her hair when she heard a car horn beep outside. Sighing and grumbling, she picked up her overnight bag and walked across the living room. She was not even at the door when the doorbell rang followed by the sound of someone trying to batter the door down with her fists. Buffy took a moment to pick up her mail before opening the door on an excited Willow and a slightly quieter, although no less excited, Tara.
"Buffy! Are you ready?" Willow said happily. "You are? Good. Come on. If we don't hurry we'll be the last to arrive, well apart from...but I want to see everyone before the memorial. Can you believe Harmony is on the 'sadly missed' list? That two-bit little hussy...nobody liked her, even when she was alive."
Buffy allowed herself to be dragged towards the green convertible parked haphazardly in her driveway while Willow carried on babbling.
"It is going to be so hard to keep a straight face when I see her picture in the service sheet. I mean, after what she did and what you did...it was really funny though. Do you remember the time she tried to call you out? Xander thought you'd burst an artery you were laughing so hard. Of all the people who could have been vamped at the graduation and they chose her." Willow sighed, climbed into the driver's seat and waited for the other two girls to join her. "Did you hear that someone is trying to dedicate a room in the new school to Snyder? I guess they never met him."
"Obnoxious troll," Buffy agreed, sliding into the back seat. "Are we nearly there yet?"
Willow turned around and glared before starting the car.
***
Reluctantly, Buffy had to admit that the Presidential suite was impressive. The reunion committee had not spared any expense with this; possibly rationalising that with the Sunnydale mortality rate this reunion could be a once in a lifetime deal. The memorial had been solemn and moving, apart from the moment when she looked up to see Harmony's face in a large picture frame, and she had actually been surprised by how few of her classmates had died. Somehow, whenever she thought about it, the faces of those she had not been able save overwhelmed the number she had. They were always there, circling her memories like a flock of vultures, and she never forgave herself for any of them. But today was the first time that she had seen how many she had managed to save. It lifted the hopeless feeling she so often had when she thought about her life.
The Slayer smoothed her dress over her hips and looked at herself critically in the mirror. There might be a couple of extra scars, hidden away by the fabric, but she otherwise she knew she did not look very different to the night of the Prom, five years ago. Inside, though, was another matter.
She turned away and grabbed her purse, securing her room key inside it, before leaving the room and heading towards the party. Most of the attendees had been at the service earlier but so she knew there was nothing to fear. After all, she knew who was here now and he was not among there numbers, so she was safe. Right? For some reason there was still a trickle of...something running down her spine. Anticipation? Fear? Disappointment? All of them, bundled together until she could not separate one from the other?
The lobby of the hotel was buzzing with excited chatter and high-pitched squeals as the members of Cordelia's old gang caught up. Buffy, deciding again that she needed to grow, stopped on the staircase a couple of steps up so she could look over the heads of the crowd. It took a moment, but she eventually managed to find Willow, Xander, Anya and Tara standing together near the door. Grinning, she hopped down the steps and wove her way through the crush.
"Hey Will," she greeted. "Hey Tara. Gee, what a surprise to see you all. Nice tux, Xander, very suave."
Xander preened slightly as Willow hugged Buffy. Anya glared at the Slayer and wrapped a hand around her husband's arm. Some things in Sunnydale would never change.
They chatted happily for a few minutes, exchanging the news of friends who see each other everyday and still call at the end of the day to discuss what happened. Most of the other people in the room were trying to catch up on the last five years of news and were ignoring the little group.
"Buffy?" A voice queried from behind.
The Slayer turned to find Cordelia and Wesley standing behind her. They had met up, occasionally, over the past five years but usually the potential end of the world distracted them. Cordelia looked stunning, as usual, and out of the corner of her eye Buffy watched Anya's hand tightening on Xander's arm until she was sure he could not have any circulation left.
The former cheerleader gathered the smaller blonde girl into a bone-crushing hug and just as suddenly released her.
"You didn't see that, right?" Cordelia asked. "I'm still in 'post-Wesley driving' shock."
"It didn't happen," Buffy confirmed. "You're looking well. Uh, Wesley, did you ever actually work for the school?"
The former Watcher blushed and stuttered for a moment. "N-n-not as such, no, but..."
"He's my guest," Cordelia explained. "After all, he was here for Graduation even if he did get knocked out by the first vampire he met so it seemed appropriate. And I think Angel wanted us out of L.A. for a couple of days. He mentioned something about bickering and coffee."
"Ah," Buffy said intelligently, not having the first clue what she was talking about.
"So you came to make our evening even more special than it already is?" Xander asked sarcastically.
"Because, of course, spoiling your fun is all I ever want to do with my life," Cordelia returned and they were off again. They could not managed to be in the same room together without bickering. Cordelia still had that affect on people.
Buffy tuned out the bickering and began scanning the room again. She had not seen him yet, but something told her that he was here. It was not fair! He should not be here! But she had always been able to tell where he was and that sense was telling her that he was here.
The conversations around her quietened and she realised that everyone was making their way into a function room. Willow grabbed her arm and pulled her along, her other hand in Tara's, and Buffy let her. Something was telling her that he was close, getting closer and she felt that tingle skitter down her spine.
Her breath caught when she finally saw him. Those familiar green eyes, the shy half-grin and his aura of barely suppressed power - he was here. For one long, heart-stopping moment she wanted to run to him and throw herself into his arms. Then the pain and fury she had felt for the past year surged and her eyes went stony.
"Look, Buffy, it's Giles!" Willow exclaimed. "I didn't know he'd be here. Did you know he'd be here? Of course you didn't - you haven't spoken to him since you left. This is such a surprise!"
The redheaded witch tugged her friend towards the former Watcher and Buffy let her.
***
Something made Giles turn around at the same moment that Buffy walked into the function room. He saw her smile, the beautiful, light up the room smile that was imprinted on his memory and he knew that smile was for him. And then shutters went down in her eyes and her expression became stony. He would not try to defend himself - he knew he deserved that look of utter contempt - but it still felt at though hundreds of sharp needles were piercing his heart. Under his breath he muttered what had become his mantra over the past year. "It's for the best. It's for the best."
Oblivious to the confusion and pain surrounding her friends, Willow dragged Buffy towards him. Her elfin face was lit up with joy so he forced a smile onto his face.
"Giles!" she said excitedly when she was within earshot. "You're here!"
She released the Slayer's arm and pulled Giles into a hug that was quickly returned. Pulling back slight she asked, "Why are you here? You're meant to be in England."
"W-well, someone managed to get my address and send me an invitation to this-this...party."
"I wonder who that could have been?" Willow asked with wide-eyed innocence.
He tweaked her nose and grinned down at her. "Next time, try to ask someone else to write the address. Your handwriting is really quite distinctive."
While Willow blushes, stuttered and tried to pretend that she had nothing to do with any of it, he turned to Xander. "How are you?"
The younger boy beamed. "Good, really good."
"He's not the one being sick every morning," Anya complained from behind him.
"Anya! You promised to let me announce it," Xander complained, glaring at his wife.
"Oops, sorry," the former demon said, genuinely distressed. "I didn't mean to. I..."
"You're pregnant?" Buffy asked, wincing at the amazement she accidentally put in her voice. "I mean, you're pregnant. Wow."
Anya beamed. "Two and a half months. It looks like a tadpole right now but the doctor assures me it will have arms and legs when it's born."
The expectant couple were quickly surrounded by joyful friends giving group hugs and Giles found himself forgotten for a moment, with Buffy standing beside him.
"Hello," he said quietly.
Buffy looked up and the pain in her eyes cut him into pieces.
"Hi," she said, equally as quietly.
"You look well."
She shrugged. "I'm surviving."
"Oh."
"Yeah. Now, if you'll excuse me I hear a bowl of punch calling my name."
She walked away and Giles followed her with his eyes, watching her familiar swaying walk and wishing, just for one moment that he was not so damn noble.
** He had been lying there for hours, watching her, but the same thought kept revolving around his mind. "She'll be better off. This can't happen again. It's for the best."
Would it have made any difference if she had told him earlier? Instead of telling him how she felt the night before he was due to leave, would he be staying if he had not already decided to go? Or did he have to leave before she woke up to what she felt? Was she trying to trap him here?
No, that thought was not fair. He believed she loved him and he cursed himself for the weakness that had been unable to say 'no' last night. Because now it made this even harder than it already was.
He watched her sleeping, golden hair fanned across his pillow and one arm flung casually thrown across his waist. It was his every dream come to life and he was going to leave it. Was he crazy?
No, he was doing it to spare her pain later. Even if he loved her more than anything else in this world he could not allow her to waste her life on him. That was all there was to it.
He eased himself out from under her and slid out of the bed. Immediately, sensing that she was alone, she reached out for him. He grabbed a pillow and placed it under her hand, watching as she wrapped her arms around it and snuggled deeper into sleep.
Several minutes later, dressed and holding his bag, he stood again beside the bed. Buffy had not moved an inch and there was a gentle smile on her face. He stared at her for a long, long moment, trying to imprint the memory into his mind forever. Stooping, he placed a gentle kiss on her bare back and she shivered slightly, even in sleep sensing his nearness.
The temptation to stay was almost overwhelming. Almost. Over it was layered the voice saying, "It's for the best. She's better off with someone her own age, without all the baggage and problems. It's for the best."
The voice won and he left. **
"Giles?" Willow's voice broke him out of his memories. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine," he lied. "Just a bit of jetlag."
She looked at him suspiciously. "Did you talk to Buffy?"
"We said hello."
"What happened between you?"
** Golden hair fanned across his pillow. **
"Nothing," he lied again.
"You don't lie very well," she told him. "Something happened. You two haven't spoken since..."
"Since I went back to England," he finished for her. "I know."
"So?"
"It's complicated, and nothing I can discuss."
Willow frowned at him. "That's what she says."
"That's because it's the truth. Now, what has Anya been doing to the Magic Box?"
***
"Willow?" Buffy called into the dimly lit room.
Hearing no answer she ventured further in. The message from Willow had told her to meet in the library so she was there...but no sign of the witch. The room was L-shaped and when she rounded the corner she found herself facing a large table with reading lamps on, the source of the faint light. It took her a moment to realise that she was not the only person in the room and the person sitting at the table, with his back to her, did not look like Willow.
"Willow?" Buffy queried anyway, hoping she was wrong in her recognition of the dark figure in front of her.
Giles jumped and turned. "Buffy."
Buffy turned without a word and walked towards the door. The click as it shut echoed through her and, with a sinking heart, she heard the 'snick' of the lock being turned.
"Did you put her up to this?" the Slayer asked, not turning around.
"N-no, I didn't. She told me to meet her here for...something. I thought she had something important to tell me." The careful words did not give away a hint of what he was feeling and Buffy refused to turn around and see his face.
"Looks like we've been set-up."
"It would seem that way."
"I guess Willow wants us to go back to being friends."
"Yes, well, she doesn't like her friends being..."
"Hurt?" Buffy suggested.
"Angry with each other," Giles finished.
"We can't go back to being friends, though," Buffy said sadly. "After...after what happened, just friends will be too..."
"Painful."
"Yeah."
There was silence in the room, the kind of pain filled silence that is impossible to break but also impossible to ignore.
"Did I hurt you that much?" Giles ventured after a few minutes.
Slowly Buffy turned to face him, her face disbelieving. "How can you ask me that? I woke up and you had gone! You were halfway to England and I was left there. Alone. We shared something special, precious, and you just-just...left! So yes, you hurt me that much."
"I'm sorry," he said, bending his head so she could not see his eyes. "I'm so sorry."
She shrugged and sat down in one of the armchairs, refusing to look at him. "You're sorry. That makes me feel so much better."
"What else can I say?"
"You can explain. I thought you, of all people, would know how I'd feel to wake up on my own. Again. But you still left. You didn't even leave a note! I knew you had made all the arrangements to go back to England, but I thought you'd at least wake me up to say you were going. I thought you might ask me to go with you. Instead we had one night together - one night that meant more than any other night in my entire life - and you left without even explaining. There was nothing left of you in the apartment, nothing to show you had ever lived there. Even the bed came with the apartment. The only thing I had of yours was a stupid letter opener! So you can tell my why you did it. Why you left like that. You can try to explain."
She sat in the chair, glaring up at him challengingly.
Giles sighed and raked his hand through his hair. Somewhere deep in his heart he had known this day would come and he would have to explain his actions, but he had hoped that it would not. How could he explain what he had done when he was no longer sure it had been the right thing?
"Buffy, what happened...it shouldn't...I shouldn't have let it happen."
The quiet admission struck her like a blow the stomach. "Why?"
"Look at me. Really look at me. What do you see?" He spread his arms. "You said it yourself a hundred times. I'm old, far too old for you, and no matter what I might feel for you I should have kept our relationship professional."
"What do you mean 'too old for me'?"
He pulled his hand through his hair again. "Buffy, I'm twice your age. I know you don't want to think about it, but it's the truth."
"And that's a good enough reason to leave me like that?"
"Well, no-"
"That's a good enough reason to abandon me after the most incredible night of my life?"
"I, uh...incredible?"
She glared at him. "I told you I loved you, you let me believe you felt the same, but you didn't care about me enough to even leave a note? Let alone wake me up and talk things through."
"I do lo- I did love you. I watched you sleeping for hours, trying to persuade myself that this could work." The dim light cast shadows on his pained features, emphasising the drawn lines that had appeared there over the past year, but Buffy refused to see it. "I couldn't have left if I'd been able to see your eyes. I couldn't."
"So you took the easy way out."
He bowed his head again. "Yes, I suppose I did. But it's for the best."
There was silence again as she contemplated his words and tried to calm the torrent of emotion flooding through her. It was almost impossible to breathe, there was so much welling up inside, and she could feel tears burning in her eyes.
"How can it be for the best?" Buffy asked. "How can both of us being miserable be for the best? How can losing the best friend I have, the man I love more than life, be for the best?"
Giles said nothing.
"I thought I'd felt the worst pain I could ever feel when he left." No need to name him, not to the man who knew her better than anyone else. "But that morning...it was worse. I felt like the world had ended and forgotten to tell me. Then I wished it had. Sometimes I still wish it had."
Still Giles said nothing.
"We could have been happy together. It was special and you know that. It wasn't just that night, although that was amazing, it was the whole enchilada. It was you, our friendship, the love I feel...felt and everything we share." Buffy paused to take a shuddering breath. "Giles, I have never loved anyone the way I love you and I can't pretend that I don't feel that way. I can't let you go back to England without at least knowing why you don't want to be with me."
"It's not that I don't want to be with you," he whispered, and she could see the pain contorting his beautiful features even more.
He crossed over to here in several long strides and knelt by her chair.
When he said nothing, she prompted, "Then what is it?"
She heard him breath in, shakily, and then out. In. Out. In. Out. Slowly until he regained his calm.
"I can't stand to think of you hurting when I die. I'm afraid of hurting you when I have to leave."
"I would rather have you, for whatever time we have together, than spend the rest of my life remembering what I can't have. No pain can be worse than what I've felt for the past year."
He opened his mouth to protest and the Slayer put her finger over it. "I only have the memories of one night together. If we only have a year together before I die then at least I'll know what it's like to love you. To do incredible things together as well as the ordinary things. To fall asleep with you, cook meals together and spend evenings just sitting together without needing to do more than be close. To make love and fight demons together. Now, there's only an emptiness where that should be. How can you cut us off before we've even begun?"
Without even being aware of it, their conversation had changed from explanation of what happened into discussion of what could be. It seemed to both of them that they hovered on the edge of a precipice and whatever was said now could pull them back or send them plunging into the abyss.
Giles took the hand on his face into his hand and held onto it as though it was a life raft. "Buffy, love, you don't know what you're saying."
"No, you're the one who doesn't know what he's saying. You're the one who's running scared and I'm the one that's finally thinking clearly."
"Leaving...was wrong. I know that. But if I stay..."
"You don't have to stay here. I'll come to England with you."
He looked closely into her eyes. "You mean that?"
"Wherever you are is home for me."
The former Watcher smiled, embarrassed. "To be honest I'm quite miserable back there. I think I may have actually got used to California. It's actually sort of ironic, in a depressing way. I might have come back here already if it hadn't been for..."
"Me?"
"Yes. You. I can't stay here and not be with you, but I've never really left here."
"You hurt me so much, Giles," Buffy said sadly.
"I know." He looked down at their joined hands and then looked up, fixing her blue eyes with his. "I have no right to ask, but..."
"I forgave you about five minutes ago," she said through the tears now muffling her voice. "You pretty much had me at 'hello'. But if you ever do anything like that again..."
"I won't. I promise."
"Good."
***
"Do you think they've made up yet?" Willow asked.
Tara bent down and listened at the lock. "I can't hear anything."
"Good. Or maybe not. Either they're talking it through or Buffy's killed him."
"There's only one way to find out."
The redhead nodded and turned the key. Slowly the door opened and the two witches peered in.
"I think they've made up," Tara commented.
"That's what it was all about?"
"Probably."
"Ok. Wanna dance?"
"Sounds like a good idea."
The two witches backed quietly out of the room and headed back to the party.
***
Several minutes later Buffy and Giles rejoined the party, this time hand-in-hand and looking happier than any of their friends had seen them in a long time.
"Do you know what we didn't do at the Prom?" he asked her, smiling to see the genuine happiness in her eyes.
"It's a long time ago. Another life-time," she answered.
"When you arrived, in that pink dress and looking so beautiful I couldn't understand why Angel ever left you-"
"Flatterer."
He squeezed her hand. "I promised myself that I'd dance with you. That's what I was going to ask when..."
"Yeah, I remember. It was probably a good thing Angel arrived when he did."
"Oh?"
She looked up, into his green eyes, and felt at peace finally. "I wouldn't have appreciated it the way I do now. Our first dance wouldn't have been special if we had done it then."
"Aah. Miss Summers, would you like to dance?"
He held his hand out and looked at her inquiringly. For an answer she put her hand in his and led him out onto the dance floor. Someone, somewhere, must have been looking out for them because as they moved into each other's arms the music changed and slowed and the lights dimmed. Other couples gathered on the floor to sway slowly to the music, but for Buffy and Giles they could have been in another universe. He put his hand around her waist and pulled her to him. She rested her hand on his shoulder and her head on his chest, feeling his warm arms tighten around her and hold her close. Where she was meant to be.
*finis*