Thanks to the sleepless night Buffy was not a happy Slayer when Willow woke her up the next morning. As she also interrupted a very nice dream she was understandably annoyed. She was absolutely certain that this was a dream and not a flashback because it was a replay of Saturday morning in the hotel, only with a completely different outcome. Or at least, it would have been if she had not been woken up.
She grumbled and muttered all the way to the shower, but thankfully for Willow's future long life she was in a better mood when she came out. Then she stood in front of the mirror and had another clothes debate, although this time for a totally different reason.
"Pink or green?" she asked Willow when the redhead entered the room, holding up the two short-listed dresses.
"What's the occasion?" Willow asked, sitting on her bed and towelling her wet hair.
"I'm going to visit mom after classes. She's had time to calm down so maybe I can try to explain things."
"Do you know what you're going to say?"
"Not yet. It's just so complicated."
Willow began combing the tangles out of her hair as she said, "It's not that complicated. I mean, ok, you're married to Giles and you don't know how, but it's not like you're in love with him." She added the last part in a deliberately casual tone.
"I guess," Buffy replied after a pause.
Willow put her comb down and looked at Buffy, searching her face. "You aren't, are you?" she asked, trying to make her friend talk.
"Of course not," Buffy said quickly, but she found she could not actually look Willow in the eye as she said it.
"Buffy, you don't lie well," Willow told her. "Pink, by the way."
"Pink? Oh." Buffy moved behind the screen in the corner of the room to finish dressing. Somehow it was easier to talk without seeing her friend's face.
As she shed her robe and began to put the dress on she tried to explain. "I don't know how I feel anymore. It used to be so simple. I loved Angel and Giles was my Watcher. Now when I look at him I can't help seeing him in the bed in the hotel, or in the shower. And, I kissed him."
Buffy said the last part in a rush, glad she was still hidden by the screen.
"You what? Oh wow. This is huge! You-you kissed Giles! What was it like?" Willow gibbered. She had noted the use of 'loved' instead of 'love' but now was not the time to tackle that.
"Calm Will. It was only one kiss. Or two." Buffy stepped from behind the screen. "What do you think? Respectable enough?"
"It's fine. But-but . . . you kissed Giles!"
The blonde Slayer looked at her friend strangely. "You've heard about all my flashback things, and yet you're more excited about a kiss."
"Well, you're flashback things are . . . but this is . . . different. This is non-spelled Buffy. No memory loss. Just you. Wow. What was it like? When did it happen?"
"You have a one track-mind," Buffy accused her friend. "And it was nice, while it lasted."
"What happened?" Willow asked, curious about her phrasing.
Buffy related the previous night's adventure, finishing by saying, "Xander's lucky I like him or he would be eating through a straw today."
"You liked it then?" Willow asked, grinning.
Buffy flushed guiltily.
"You liked kissing him, and you deny being in love with him way too much. Should this be telling me something?"
"Willow!"
The Slayer began to stalk out of the room, only to be stopped by her best friend.
"Buffy, the ring. People could start to talk . . ."
She looked down at the golden ring on her left hand. The thought of not wearing it hurt more than she thought it would. So she took it off and strung it on the chain she wore around her neck.
Willow hid her smile as she followed her friend out of the room.
***
Buffy stood in front of the door and lifted her hand to knock. The she lowered it. Joyce's assistant at the gallery had said she was working from home today and Buffy knew why. It was because of her. She raised her hand and hesitated again. Finally she knocked. After a long pause the door opened.
"Buffy," Joyce said flatly when she saw who it was.
"We need to talk," Buffy said.
Her mother faltered a beat, and the moved to let her in. The brief hesitation did not go unmissed.
They sat in awkward silence in the lounge for a while.
"You wanted to talk," Joyce finally stated.
"Yes." Buffy took a deep, calming breath. "It's not what you think."
"What isn't?" Joyce did not want to make this easy.
"This. Giles. Me. The marriage. It's not what you think."
"So what is it?"
Buffy took another deep breath and launched into an abbreviated account of the past few days, leaving out the details she felt Joyce just would not handle. Including last night's kiss. When she had finished they sat in silence again.
After a while Joyce spoke. "I really don't know what to say. I don't know if this makes it better or worse. Do you love him?"
"Mom!" Buffy protested, disconcerted by being asked that question twice so far today. "That doesn't have anything to do with this."
"It has everything to do with this. You may not remember what happened but the fact remains that you felt strongly enough to run away and get married. I think you need to work out why you did that."
"That's what we're trying to do! There are just so many spells and-"
"Don't try to hide behind the Hellmouth," Joyce interrupted. "I may not like this but you are married and you have to make some decisions about it. You have to decide whether you're going to work at your marriage or get divorced."
"Divorced?" The word hit her like a punch to the stomach.
"If you don't want to stay married, divorce is the only other option."
"Oh," Buffy said faintly.
"I can give you the name of my lawyer. He's very good-"
"That's it? You want me to get a divorce?" Buffy could hardly believe this was her mother talking to her.
"Buffy, he's twice your age. He's almost the same age as me! He took advantage of you when you were-"
"Whatever happened he did not take advantage of me!" Buffy cut in quickly. "I may not remember much but he was definitely not the one taking advantage."
"Oh." Joyce did not know how to reply to that.
"Yes, 'oh'. The way I felt - remember feeling - after the ceremony, well, I wanted it as much as he did."
"Oh."
"Giles would never take advantage of me or anyone else." Buffy finished quietly.
She saw the red flush stealing over her mother's face and knew instantly what it was for.
"Is this about the candy thing? Are you jealous because of the candy thing?" Joyce would not meet her eye. "Or is it that you don't like the thought that I'm married to someone you once slept with? And don't use the Hellmouth as an excuse," she added sarcastically, throwing her mother's words back at her.
For a while there was silence again as they both tried to calm down so they would not say something else they would regret.
"I was . . . embarrassed by the candy incident," Joyce finally admitted. "I might even have had a tiny "crush" on Mr Giles when I first met him. But that is it. I'm not jealous of you; I'm worried for you. And I can't forgive him for taking my little girl away."
"I grew out of little girl-hood long before I met Giles. He's all that's helped me survive it," Buffy said standing. "And if I lose him because of this I won't survive anymore."
There was nothing left for them to say and they knew it. Joyce was not going to change the way she felt and Buffy had to sort out her feelings.
Joyce held the door open for her daughter. "You never answered my question. Do you love him?"
Buffy stopped and turned to face her mother. Their discussion had finally clarified her feelings, at least regarding Giles although she was still working through everything else, and she could not lie. "Yes."
Then she turned and walked quickly down the path. Joyce shut the door and leaned against it. For a moment she just stood there, then silent tears began to roll down her cheeks. She had known what Buffy's answer would be - had in fact known deep down for a long time. Her daughter was only now realising what she had known for months.
"Don't let my little girl get hurt," she whispered softly.
*finis*